THANK YOU JANET!

This is a link , and then quote from what Janet sent me today.  It is about all of the people involved with the wedding and the feelings that are normal, like doubt, grief worry and how everyone con help or understand everyone involved... It is designed towards the LDS weddings and i have quoted some stuff it directs to the non-LDS  since we have both types of people in our situation.

getting hitched without a hitch

"Nonmember Friends and Family

Perhaps you are not a member of the LDS Church and you’ve waited years to see your daughter, son, niece, nephew, or friend promise his or her life to another. It may come as shock and disappointment when your LDS loved one tells you that he or she has chosen to get married in a temple—and that only LDS members in good standing with the Church may attend. It can be difficult to understand why your family member or friend would choose to exclude people on their wedding day, but it’s important to try.

Ask your loved one why they are getting married in the temple. He or she will probably be happy to explain to you why the temple marriage ceremony is so important to them. If you are interested, someone might be able to set up an informal chat with a bishop or a member of the bishopric so that you can ask specific questions that the bride and groom may not be able to answer.

"The Big Issues
"Not being included in the wedding ceremony. This is one of the most difficult things for people not of the LDS faith to understand and accept. Nonmembers tend to view temple weddings as exclusive, or even secretive. Not having the opportunity to witness the wedding ceremony can be very hurtful for a parent, relative, or close friend. However, it is important to remember that the bride and groom aren’t choosing to keep you out of the ceremony—they are just choosing to have a temple ceremony. Even if none of their friends and family were able to attend, they would probably still choose to have a temple wedding, because it’s not about the people there—it’s about the eternal promises that they are making to each other.

"Elaine Gray, an Elk Grove, California, resident who is not a member of the Church, experienced this when her son, Charles, was married in the temple. He had become a member of the Church while he was a teenager, and Gray learned from a friend that nonmembers were not allowed in the temple for the sealing ceremony. “When [Charles] proposed to Jenna, he told me they were going to get married in the temple. It was pretty devastating,” says Gray. “But I went to my LDS friend, and I spoke to her about it. She said that I could visit a temple that hadn’t been dedicated yet and go inside. There was a new temple a couple hours away that hadn’t been dedicated yet, and we took a tour. It was very emotional, and [the guides] told me about the wedding ceremony—it sounded beautiful. When we went to Oakland [on their wedding day], I had that visual of Charlie and Jenna kneeling at the altar. I could see it all. But it was still really hard [not to be there].”

"Gray feels that parents need to respect their children’s decision on the day of their wedding, even if the wedding goes against their parents’ wishes. “I think people need to not worry about themselves so much. We have to set ourselves aside and say, ‘this is our child,’ and let them think for themselves.”

"If you are unable to tour a temple, visit lds.org and click on “Family History and Temples,” then “Purpose of Temples.” Here, you can find several articles written on the purpose and importance of temples by some of the leading Church authorities. These will help you understand why the bride and groom made the choice to have a temple wedding.

"Victims of missionary overkill. Many nonmembers fear being cornered by well-meaning friends or relatives when they attend LDS wedding receptions. Members of the Church are encouraged to share the gospel, and if they share it with you, it’s because they care about you. If you’re not interested in hearing about their beliefs, be patient and kindly say so. If they persist, tell them that you are here to celebrate the wedding, and now is not the time for a missionary discussion.

"For Friends and Family: How to Help Nonmember Loved Ones
"Be honest and open with those unable to attend the ceremony. Be kind and take into account the hurt they may be feeling, but don’t be apologetic—tell them how excited you are that you are getting married in the House of the Lord.

"When creating your guest list for the temple, keep it limited. All temple sealings should have a small guest list, as it is a very personal ceremony, but when nonmember loved ones are involved, the list should be made even shorter. Avoid inviting extended family and friends so as not to wound feelings further.

"One of the most popular options for couples with a lot of nonmember family and friends is to have a ring ceremony later in the day, apart from the temple ceremony. Ring ceremonies may not take place on the temple grounds, and should not be treated as a faux wedding, but can still be a wonderful way to include non-LDS family members and friends. Ask your bishop about what the ceremony should entail.


"No matter your part in the wedding, do all in your power to make it joyous. Plan ahead—emotionally as well as practically. Accept and acknowledge the magnitude of matrimony and the many feelings that accompany it. Most of all, be patient with and loving to yourself and others. Tremendous change yields tremendous growth. And what growth is more wondrous than the creation of a new family unit, the marriage of a loving man and woman? Your wedding day really can be the happiest day of your life!"